Are We There Yet?

No. Not yet, little girl. Not even close. 

Photo from here

 

It’s an old phrase actually, but sometimes you fail to remember that life is not easy. When you think all the mess can easily swept away by the time you throw the rubbish, actually it can turn repeatedly cause sometimes the wind blows, make it scatter again. Clean up again scatter again clean up scatter clean up scatter clean up scatter. Mess is a mess and some mess’ can’t be erased. You’ll be punished for that.

The road still long and bumpy as it was. It winds it twists it turns. Furthermore, it can be stretched and become more time-consuming anytime you thought you were on a right track. Stop being so positive. Life is not only about success and happiness. It’ll suck you no matter how hard you dodge it. 

Bear in mind, what life brings you when you have too much goals and expectation out there? One wrong way, one failure. One glimpse, one tears. Cause life, at its best, will suck you. Once again, suck you.

For God sake.

------

Who’s there? Why you whisper that speech at me on the night like this?

MEW CONCERT!

In a big, big way
I am really small
I get off my feet
But I'm still distant
Don't you just love goodbyes?

 [ 156 ]

Photo by @zanoethegainiac

 

The high-pitch-voice, their song selection especially “Eight Flew Over One Was destroyed” that surprisingly they performed, the confetti, and the right time.

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FINALLY!

Penantian menonton Jonas Bjerre dkk sekaligus nonton konser yang worth-watching di tahun ini kesampean! Buat saya, band ini berbeda. Ada perasaan emosional setiap kali mendengar namanya (apalagi lagunya) sejak beberapa tahun lalu. Di playlist, di blog, status twitter, list listening Path, lagu-lagu mereka termasuk yang paling sering muncul. 

Setelah Indonesia kedatangan seabreg band beberapa tahun belakangan, saya terbilang pilih-pilih untuk datang demi menjaga keemosionalan menonton konser dan khususnya menjaga kesehatan dompet. Hahaha.

Tapi saat diumumkan dia akan datang (lagi) ke sini, tak perlu waktu lama untuk saya mengisi form pembelian tiket online dan ke ATM menyelesaikan pembayaran. Lima belas menit setelah mendengar kabar, tiket pun sudah digenggaman. Yes, Mew, you are entitled to get my priorities!

Dan konsernya, meski kali ini tanpa visual yang konon jadi ciri khas mereka, but for me those 17 songs was satisfactory! Dear Jonas, I dont feel alright inspite of these comforting sounds you make! (Comforting Sounds – Mew) *pret*  

 

 If I don't make it back from the city
Then it is only because I am drawn away 

For you see, evidently, there's a dark storm come
And the chain on my swing is squeaking like a mouse

[ The Zookeeper Boy ]

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Ps: Dear promotor, how about Coldplay?

Start Over

Well, hi! 
*open the curtain, sweep and vacuum the dust*

Almost a year this blog getting lost in the shuffle. And I, I live in my bubble, equipped myself with shells and earphone.

To not catching up with this blog means I surrender being trapped in memory lost. There is no 2012’s flashback written in previous new year’s eve, nor birthday wishes and other itsy-bitsy things that often I wrote in this page as a reminder. I’m bad at remembering the details. But I will try to write it down when the year ends, just like my habit.

And now I’m back with so many unpublished drafts. Where to start?

#5 Tonight Tonight

Quoted from Yoris newest book, capture by me

You know how hard it is, letting go of something you love. 

I love this years. So much. 2012 is one of my favorite years after all. And in hours, I should say good bye to 2012. My boyfriend once said that I'm good at saying goodbye. How can I? Dont we all hates goodbyes? In fact, realize that I should pass this complicated years seems so excruciating a bit to me. Drrrr-amah.

Maybe you’ll say that year just a number. But I’m a person who praises moment. Uncountable moments, the ups and down, expectation, disappointments, anxiety, self-pride, are all mix-ups in one bowl named 2012. 

You know when you step a new stage with full of excitement. A big leap that makes you feels too emotional to remember. When you fly so high yet you fall to the deepest. Forgone, you seems like reach everything you need, but as easy as you flip your hand, all of a sudden been taken away.

The beginning of this year is full of laugh, glory, and optimism. Afterwards, bad things come at an end. Here I tell you loudly, a thing that previously I burry and deny. Currently, I don’t know exactly what I was looking for in life. 

Everything seems so floating away. 

That's sad.

For those who know me since 7-years ago or so, they will consider that I usually choose to become careless about this and that. As long as I feel happy without bother anyone and my daily life run smoothly, so enough. Well the framework of future seems so clear back then (Clear or easy, I'm not really sure). Which suddenly destroyed.

You may say I’m a pathetic-melancholic-depressive-bitch. And this time, maybe I am.

And yes, I'm still that person who used to say "Happiness is just a state of mind". 

Now, I’m a mess, eh?

**

#4 Fix You

pic from here

There was a time when you try to put the reality into your logic but still not able to fit in. Cause in fact, there are so many things in life that we can't understand. When justice just becomes a pile of shit, or when your effort just ends as a stack of ciggs box.

The bigger hands, sometimes, can control us. But one thing for sure that I know is... The biggest hand never misplace our fate. As long as I live a life with all my heart, I can find the best I can be. Anywhere, anytime.

So. Yes. Here comes my optimism again. Couple days ago I told someone that I have so many optimism that in fact just kill me in the end. Truth is, this pessimist-optimist side of me just too balance so I can't decide which one is me. Well I'll be at grey area as always. And blabbing my mouth off like I always do.

Speaking of which. If life has a title for every chapter, this one will be a "Tragicomedy" like Polyester Embassy said. You weep for it, but laugh at it too. Or at least I try. Cause I know nothing else I can do. Besides, in several case we're not a key keeper for our own life.

What I'm trying to say is... Sometimes failure comes beyond our faults. And I know you can passes through it. Cause wherever you will be, I know you're gonna shine brightly.

Do you need a hug?
Just in case you do, you know where to find me.

---

#3 Ironic

pic from fuckyeahpink

Life is good sometimes. 

Though suddenly you realize that some kind of phase may come no matter how hard you deny. Or found out that quarter life crisis slapped you right in your face. Waiter in a coffeeshop whose forgot to add sugar in your peach tea. Rain fell in your busy day. Favorite heels that stuck on the wet land. Memorable song in your intimate chit-chat. Surrounding by friends while you just want to be alone. Mingle with frengers whereas your thoughts demand for solitude. Widely awake all night long before meeting in your early morning.

Cheers a beer in the rooftop with best friends. Chicken curry indomie in the middle of the night. Phones that not ringing yet. Deadlines on your boyfriend birthday's eve. Guitar that you can't play. Trapped in bunch of kiddos when you desperately need your ciggs. Cozy spot that reserved by the current guest. Dismenorhea in your treadmill schedulle. Secretly swept your tears in public transportation. Running out battery when urgently need to call your news sources. Killing your greatest expectation. Say hello and smile when you feel messed up inside. Uncertainty reach your limits.

But even your life full of irony, you know that everything in life has its price. 

Does it make you feel better?

**

Sad Song

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness | Gotye

photo from here 

The thing is, sad song always fascinating me no matter how happy I am.

That's not a problem by the way. Not until you eager to fantasize some crazy ideas, the bitter one, to get some vibe from any song you listened.

But frankly, sad song (or ironic lyric to be exact), made me feels more human. In a weird sort of ways.

#2 The Seething Rain Weeps For You

What if the world spinning too fast and you just waste your gasoline to contemplate? Maybe I’ll just sit here. In the name of contemplating though in fact I was just too lazy to over think my anxiety. Besides, who needs answer when all you ever want is just some safety zone? 

At first you think that you’ll never get old to run for your ideal. The other second you see this as a completely shit of your phase. Then you back to where it was and feel that you ignore something more from the start. Now your ideal turns into reverie. You’re too lazy even just to create some reflective.

So speaking of better days, I try to remember everything. But as the years go by, the dark moments lift like rain clouds do.

Minds

photo from here

You know the state when all you want to do just running aimlessly to the place that no one knows you, playing a role, demanding a break, but anything you could do just silently walking in your written path instead. You know it feels so sore.

But admit it. Thats the best thing you could do and we clearly know how pathetic it is. But world nowadays told us that freedom is just an old tale. This norms, that opportunity, leave us with a bunch of responsibility.

So i place my freedom in my mind. You have no idea how crowded was there, in my head, a place where you can have all the moments and create some special twist. Sometimes it could be fiction, history, dreams, or simply weep. And Sometimes i'd like to put it in shuffle.

And you, who knows i put yourself in there too? But i told you its my freedom kingdom so you have no rights nor allowance to lend your hand.

#1 Good Time Gona Comes

photo from here

Ada saat ketika kita tahu sesuatu diam-diam keluar dari porosnya.
Tapi tak ada sedikit pun keinginan untuk mengetahui apa dan di mana, apalagi bagaimana.

Karena kamu tahu, kadang, kita hanya perlu sendiri.
Di antara kegelapan, menikmati ketidakpastian. Tanpa mencari tahu ada apa, cukup dirasa saja. Mungkin karena saya, kami, mereka, sesekali ingin mengecap pahit dan terlena di dalamnya. Atau mungkin alasannya sederhana saja, kita membutuhkan hening di antara sekian banyak bingar, agar kita tidak lupa diri. Dan menyadari bahwa banyak hal yang kamu lewatkan hanya karena terlalu lama berkubang dalam kebahagiaan semu.

Ah, good time gonna comes.

***