Monday, 25 July 2016

Antara Hujan, Hand Dryer, dan Perasaan Tidak Mau Tertinggal

foto by wallpoper

“Satu-satu aja kali, beresin dulu skripsi, baru bikin CV.”

Di antara kotak-demi-kotak teh kotak dan bungkus-bungkus Marlboro black menthol yang sekarang mencium aromanya saja sudah bikin saya eneg, dia bertanya.

Saat itu saya sedang mengumpulkan pencapaian-pencapaian dan pengalaman kerja demi CV si (calon) fresh graduate ini menarik di mata HR. Kata-kata teman itu tentu saya hiraukan.

Saya masih tekun membuat CV dan surat lamaran kerja di sebuah kamar kost-an sederhana daerah Jatinangor.

“Gue gak punya waktu banyak,” jawab saya tanpa menoleh dari laptop.

Saya paham benar saat itu, bahwa saya sudah terlambat. Saya sudah ketinggalan. Kuliah selama 6,5 tahun tentu bukan prestasi. Ketika teman-teman sudah merambah dunia kerja, wawancara untuk artikelnya yang akan ditayangkan di media tempatnya menapaki karier, saya malah masih wawancara untuk bahan skripsi.

Selama kuliah, memang fokus saya banyak terpecah. Dua tahun terakhir kuliah saat orang-orang memulai proposal penelitian, saya malah asyik bekerja untuk dua media lokal di Bandung, satu digital agency Jakarta yang berkantor cabang di Bandung, dan satu komunitas musik indie di Bandung yang rutin membuat event sebulan sekali.

Tiga bulan sebelum target sidang, saya resign dari keempatnya. Ternyata, meski kita sudah bekerja terlebih dulu, tapi kalau kaki masih tersangkut, tetap saja di atas kertas saya ketinggalan. Dan saya tidak suka jauh tertinggal.

Sebulan sebelum sidang skripsi, saya sudah diterima media tempat saya bekerja kemarin, salah satu media perempuan dari grup media besar di Indonesia.

Ada satu hal yang saya highlight hingga kini dari proses interview pertama. Sesampainya di pool travel di Jakarta, saya menerabas hujan menuju calon kantor saya. Dan segera menuju kamar mandi, mengeringkan rambut dan pakaian dengan hand dryer, lalu masuk ke ruang wawancara.

Dan tiga hari setelah wisuda, tepatnya 14 November, saya hijrah ke Jakarta dan mulai bekerja.

Ternyata itu sudah berlalu hampir lima tahun lalu.

Empat tahun tujuh bulan.

Tulisan itu tertera di surat resign saya.

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Di Media Sosial, Kita Semua Hakim dan Polisi

foto by creativemarket
Beberapa tahun lalu saat user Twitter baru menuju peak, saya pernah pasang bio We’re all judges. So there’s no need to become Twitter police I guess.

Lama saya tanggalkan status itu, rupanya memang keadaan tak berubah banyak. Mau sosial media bergerak cepat, berubah begini begitu, tetap aja kita enggak bisa nahan sikap judgemental di media sosial. No matter how hard we’re tying.

Yang paling hangat sih kasusnya Awkarin itu ya. Saya gak akan deh nulis tentang apa yang dia lakukan sampe netizen heboh banget beberapa waktu lalu.

Saya lebih tertarik merhatiin gimana netizen bereaksi. No, saya gak pake teori behavioral, budaya digital, psikologi perkembangan, ataupun feminisme di sini. Lebih ke mengingat masa lalu aja, karena pengalaman itu lebih penting bukan? *alasan*

Saya sempat nonton video dia yang hype itu. Jujur, saya gak kuat sih nonton sampai akhir. Malu sendiri! Lol. Nonton video yang ada malah salah tingkah hahaha. Tapi akhirnya saya simpulkan, oh memang saya bukan target segmentasi dia kok. Begitupun sebaliknya.

Dan sempat agak gimana gitu lihat orang begitu sedihnya sama hubungan yang baru dia jalin kurang dari setahun, sampai "menjatuhkan diri sendiri". Tapi kemudian sadar, saya gak adil.

Thursday, 12 November 2015

In Between

photo from here
Sebenernya cukup lama, mungkin 2 - 3 tahun ini, saya mikir: Kenapa sekarang ngeluarin apa yang di pikiran lewat blog, tweet, or even post di Path, susah bener?

Kalau mau lihat ke belakang, dulu zaman di multiply, ngomong di blog lancar banget. Semua bisa diceritain. Semua pandangan tentang teori-teori hidup keluar begitu aja. Konklusi-konklusi mudah dibuat.

Pas awal ada Twitter juga. Apalah segala rupa diomongin. Semua dikomentarin. Ikut nyinyir. Sampe beberapa bulan kemudian baru deh bisa stable.

Kalau enggak, ngapain diposting? Mau yang pencitraan gimana juga ya sama aja. At least, kita tahu itu diri lo atau sosok yang jadi harapan lo selama ini. Dan itu tetep berujung pada penilaian. It defines you, still.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Refresh!

When was the last time you dissappeared...
From the life in the concentrate jungles we call "cities".
From everyday conversation that have long become repetitive...
And the rest of those regular scenes?

annelisbrilian
annelisbrilian

annelisbrilian
annelisbrilian
Jakarta, Agustus 2014

Monday, 20 January 2014

Cubicle

pic from here
Kami pernah begitu dekat.

Aku ingat beberapa tahun lalu, ketika derai tawa kami diakhiri dengan kelentang kaleng bir yang dilempar bersamaan menuju lembah di sebuah kawasan Dago Atas. Selalu seperti itu kami mengakhiri pertemuan. Dan aku selalu kalah jauh dalam melempar. Aku selalu kalah, termasuk kalah jauh dalam melempar sepotong cerita yang harus segera ditinggalkan.

Pertemuan di tepi lembah itu dilakukan berdasarkan kesepakatan. Ia begitupun aku, sedang membayar janji. Janji yang dilontarkan tak sengaja ketika berjam-jam kami berbalas kalimat melalui messenger. Dan jadilah, persinggahannya ke kotaku dihiasi dengan pertemuan di tepi lembah dan diakhiri lemparan kalengnya yang selalu lebih jauh.

Disusul dengan hari ini. Dalam rangka kunjunganku ke kotanya untuk urusan pekerjaan, kami bertemu. Bedanya ada pada pemandangan yang melingkupi serta kebiasaan kami mengakhiri pertemuan. Tak lagi berada di lembah, melainkan ketinggian gedung yang menghamparkan citylight dari bangunan-bangunan tinggi menjulang. Dan tidak melemparkan kaleng, hanya memastikan minuman kami tandas.

"Jadi, ada cerita baru apa yang terjadi padamu selain tentang pekerjaan?” tanyanya. Intimidatif.
“Hanya itu. Memangnya, apa yang kau harapkan?”
“Kubikel itu kini menjadi pasanganmu, eh? That’s sucks.”
“You think it sucks? Not for me. That cubicle and every single thing in it are my remedies.”
“Bullshit.”
“Hahaha, Pardon me if your job not as lovable as mine. It’s your loss,”
“You are living a lonely world, admit it.”
“Don’t try to psychoanalyze me.”
--

Dan seketika, di tengah alunan musik yang sayup, di lantai sembilan belas dengan hamparan kerlip lampu gedung tinggi…

Pikiranku riuh.

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

2013-2014

photo from here 

This post actually too little to late, I know. But who has the right to oversee when you're a mayor of this blog? HAHA. Besides, this flashback-kinda-post is part of tradition. 

So. Still I refuse to share my 2014 resolution, but bear in mind that I feel lucky for not being too apathetic for a word called "resolution". I have much. Just admit, we always have resolution whether it daily, weekly, monthly, annualy, or else. We just ashamed to say it out loud because when it fails, the pain will be double. Based on experience, "let it flow" will leads you to a jungle of uncertainty. 

The highlight of previous years was one phrase that may sounds so overrated to you. As a freshman in world of office-matters (entering second year), I still get much excitement about my job, my workplace, my new city, my office-mate, my best friends, and... this one that previously i called overrated: quarter life crisis.

Despite I trapped in memory lost (in terms of blog post which suppose to be made to treasure the moments), this is what was happened throughout 2013.

Thursday, 26 December 2013

Are We There Yet?

No. Not yet, little girl. Not even close. 
Photo from here
 
It’s an old phrase actually, but sometimes you fail to remember that life is not easy. When you think all the mess can easily swept away by the time you throw the rubbish, actually it can turn repeatedly cause sometimes the wind blows, make it scatter again. Clean up again scatter again clean up scatter clean up scatter clean up scatter. Mess is a mess and some mess’ can’t be erased. You’ll be punished for that.

The road still long and bumpy as it was. It winds it twists it turns. Furthermore, it can be stretched and become more time-consuming anytime you thought you were on a right track. Stop being so positive. Life is not only about success and happiness. It’ll suck you no matter how hard you dodge it. 

Bear in mind, what life brings you when you have too much goals and expectation out there? One wrong way, one failure. One glimpse, one tears. Cause life, at its best, will suck you. Once again, suck you.

For God sake.



------
Who’s there? Why you whisper that speech at me on the night like this?

Saturday, 2 November 2013

MEW CONCERT!


In a big, big way
I am really small
I get off my feet
But I'm still distant
Don't you just love goodbyes?
 [ 156 ]

Photo by @zanoethegainiac
 
The high-pitch-voice, their song selection especially “Eight Flew Over One Was destroyed” that surprisingly they performed, the confetti, and the right time.
---

FINALLY!

Penantian menonton Jonas Bjerre dkk sekaligus nonton konser yang worth-watching di tahun ini kesampean! Buat saya, band ini berbeda. Ada perasaan emosional setiap kali mendengar namanya (apalagi lagunya) sejak beberapa tahun lalu. Di playlist, di blog, status twitter, list listening Path, lagu-lagu mereka termasuk yang paling sering muncul. 

Setelah Indonesia kedatangan seabreg band beberapa tahun belakangan, saya terbilang pilih-pilih untuk datang demi menjaga keemosionalan menonton konser dan khususnya menjaga kesehatan dompet. Hahaha.

Tapi saat diumumkan dia akan datang (lagi) ke sini, tak perlu waktu lama untuk saya mengisi form pembelian tiket online dan ke ATM menyelesaikan pembayaran. Lima belas menit setelah mendengar kabar, tiket pun sudah digenggaman. Yes, Mew, you are entitled to get my priorities!

Dan konsernya, meski kali ini tanpa visual yang konon jadi ciri khas mereka, but for me those 17 songs was satisfactory! Dear Jonas, I dont feel alright inspite of these comforting sounds you make! (Comforting Sounds – Mew) *pret*  
 
 If I don't make it back from the city
Then it is only because I am drawn away
 
For you see, evidently, there's a dark storm come
And the chain on my swing is squeaking like a mouse
[ The Zookeeper Boy ]

---
Ps: Dear promotor, how about Coldplay?

Friday, 1 November 2013

Start Over

Well, hi! 
*open the curtain, sweep and vacuum the dust*

Almost a year this blog getting lost in the shuffle. And I, I live in my bubble, equipped myself with shells and earphone.

To not catching up with this blog means I surrender being trapped in memory lost. There is no 2012’s flashback written in previous new year’s eve, nor birthday wishes and other itsy-bitsy things that often I wrote in this page as a reminder. I’m bad at remembering the details. But I will try to write it down when the year ends, just like my habit.

And now I’m back with so many unpublished drafts. Where to start?

Sunday, 30 December 2012

#5 Tonight Tonight

Quoted from Yoris newest book, capture by me

You know how hard it is, letting go of something you love. 

I love this years. So much. 2012 is one of my favorite years after all. And in hours, I should say good bye to 2012. My boyfriend once said that I'm good at saying goodbye. How can I? Dont we all hates goodbyes? In fact, realize that I should pass this complicated years seems so excruciating a bit to me. Drrrr-amah.

Maybe you’ll say that year just a number. But I’m a person who praises moment. Uncountable moments, the ups and down, expectation, disappointments, anxiety, self-pride, are all mix-ups in one bowl named 2012. 

You know when you step a new stage with full of excitement. A big leap that makes you feels too emotional to remember. When you fly so high yet you fall to the deepest. Forgone, you seems like reach everything you need, but as easy as you flip your hand, all of a sudden been taken away.

The beginning of this year is full of laugh, glory, and optimism. Afterwards, bad things come at an end. Here I tell you loudly, a thing that previously I burry and deny. Currently, I don’t know exactly what I was looking for in life. 


Everything seems so floating away. 

That's sad.

For those who know me since 7-years ago or so, they will consider that I usually choose to become careless about this and that. As long as I feel happy without bother anyone and my daily life run smoothly, so enough. Well the framework of future seems so clear back then (Clear or easy, I'm not really sure). Which suddenly destroyed.

You may say I’m a pathetic-melancholic-depressive-bitch. And this time, maybe I am.

And yes, I'm still that person who used to say "Happiness is just a state of mind". 


Now, I’m a mess, eh?

**
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